Lessons

Reality is ready to teach us if we are ready to learn. Here are some lessons I received. Used properly, the lessons contribute to my constructive life. You can see the analogies if you are ready to learn. Can you see the implications for everyday life?

1. The first set of lessons comes from my days of climbing mountains in Japan. The lessons are ongoing in 2008.
   
   Mountains don't care if I am male or Caucasian or American or a Ph.D.
   You must pay attention to each step or you may trip.
   It takes less time to descend a mountain than to climb it; unless you are careless.
   Some views make muscle pain disappear.
   Pain, exhaustion, thoughts, and breaths come and go and come and go again.
   Weather changes.
   Proper clothing and equipment make climbing easier.
   No planning anticipates everything.
   Getting to the trailhead and getting home are part of the climb.
   Fear and courage are both okay.
   It is all right to rest.
   You may not see a higher peak until you climb the peak in front of you.
   Acknowledge it when you are lost.
   Someone else kindly marked and sustained and mapped the trail.
   No two trees are alike, but they all give shade.
   Thank your trash and carry it out.
   The higher you climb the more snow there is, but the better you can see in dim light.
   When you descend, passing others who are ascending, think of their effort.
   Special satisfaction follows a successful, difficult climb.
   The view is worth the effort of climbing.
   After a climb comforts of home are more appreciated.
   Water is wonderful, inside your body and outside in the scenery.
   Maps are not the actual terrain. What looks easy on a map may not be easy on the trail.
   Memories round and truncate actuality.
   A climb is worth a thousand words and a thousand pictures.
   The classroom surrounds you if you are a student.
   Learning capacity shrinks with exhaustion.
   When a branch blocks a trail, you go around it or over it or under it.
   Some trails are steeper than others.
   Without a goal or purpose you don't know if your climb is successful.
   Tunnel vision misses the scenery.
   A measured steady pace carries you farther than sprints and stops.
   Sounds often represent life moving.
   People seem more greetable when few are encountered.
   Trail information is a gift given and received.
   A trail is never the same as it was before.
   Climbing alone carries risks and rewards.
   Climbing with others carries risks and rewards.
   No one ever conquered a mountain.
   Life is a gift worth preserving.
   Rocks can be obstacles and objects of beauty. Gravel can be slippery.
   Trails and bodies yield surprises.
   Talk becomes lean and grounded when it happens at all.
   There is a time to continue, a time to stop, a time to turn back.
   Climbs turn out as they do.
   The beginnings of some trails are hard to find.
   
   
2. The second set of lessons comes from waterfalls.
   
   There are many routes to a goal. Falling can be beautiful.
   Water may be soft, but it reshapes rocks over time.
   Peaceful flow can follow violent falling.
   Spray travels far from the fall.
   Big noise need not be bothersome.
   The torrent passes through sun and shade.
   Falls don't need permission to do their thing.
   Falls obey the laws of nature.
   The flow cleanses and cools while falling.
   Bouncing happens, too.
   Little streams and big contribute to the falls.
   
   
3. The third set of lessons comes from rain.
   
   Rain comes not at my invitation and regardless of my convenience.
   It causes life and death.
   It invites me to wear my rain suit or use my umbrella.
   It rolls off the angled floor of the balcony I built.
   It pools and puddles in low spots.
   It changes its voice with the wind and with its burden.
   It feels good on my sweaty face.
   It doesn't stop birds from coming to the bird feeder.
   It eventually dries from the ground and from my clothing.
   I can't outrun it or run between the raindrops.
   It promotes appreciation of windshield wipers, umbrellas, raingear, and roofs.
   It slows or hurries my pace.
   It finds its way into crevices.
   It clears some areas and troubles others.
   
   
4. The fourth set of lessons comes from huckleberries.
   
   Some berries will fall to the ground whatever you do. Don't go after them.
   Attention to putting your hand under the berry branch while picking will save some berries.
   Some branches have bigger and juicier huckleberries. It pays to spend extra time on those branches.
   Lots of little berries can help fill a container when big ones can't be found.
   Going over a branch a second or third time usually turns up new finds.
   While reaching for new berries don't tip your container.
   Some of the best huckleberries are well hidden.
   It takes time and effort to pick and process huckleberries into juice, but it's worth it.
   Nothing tastes like a huckleberry.
   Accept a lot of berries and sort them later.
   While picking berries don't drop the bowl.
   Some of the best berries are on the lowest branches.
   Sometimes lifting a branch exposes berries; sometimes it doesn't.
   
   
5. The fifth set of lessons came while I was rebuilding a deck.
   
   I'm aging; it is harder to lift the 4'x8'x3/4 inch plywood.
   Tools and building materials are important elements of the project, sometimes leading and determining what I do.
   Help comes in many forms: fetching, holding, encouraging, suggesting, critiquing.
   Projects aren't finished at my convenience.
   My attention must shift to what needs doing next even if it interrupts what I would prefer to continue working on now.
   My mind works on planning and visualizing even when I am in bed, but eventually I sleep.
   The weather remains a representative of the uncontrollable during construction.
   Refilling a stapler is part of the project.
   I can always find something more to do, but a formal end to the project is satisfying.
   I don't decide to work on the deck; I just work on it.
   Rain will show me where I have succeeded and failed.
   Unintended results happen.
   Having time to work is a gift.
   Planning must adapt to circumstances.
   Circumstances must be noticed.
   Cuts and bruises and aches call for attention, but some heal even without care.
   Projects cost time, effort, and money--all gifts.
   Attention to details pays off. For example, where did I lay down that tool? Non-project tasks appear.
   Careful work produces results and satisfaction.
   
   
6. The sixth set of lessons is from folks who went to the trouble to contact me.
   
   I have tried traditional therapy and wasted my time and money. Thanks for your enlightened way. PD, NY
   
   I come from generations of expert worriers. In fact it was a source of pride my mother, my sisters, and I could come up with any and all consequences and inevitabilities to worry about. DL, CA
   
   I've developed a philosophy very close to CL while working with overweight clients at a major weight loss chain. Most of them have been to all kinds of therapy and O.A. to explore the cause of their eating disorders--with little success. I work to bring them into the present--accepting what is-- and then taking action to change it. BW, IN
   
   I really like practicing Naikan, though it's not always a pleasant experience. I had always resisted the religious notion of serving God and society. In fact, my internal concept of God had become one of a kind of super prison warden keeping all us earthly inmates in line with the threat of hell...By substituting the concept Reality for the concept God, I understand that I do have real debts, many more than I can ever hope to repay. Reality has been very generous to me, starting with my parents and extending to the efforts of many people that I will never meet. Literally "counting my blessings" is making a really big difference in how I act in this world. Thanks for telling me about that. TL, KY
   
   I can hardly describe the weight I felt lifting from my shoulders as I read the CL interview. The break-up of my marriage over the last few months has been the catalyst of some real soul searching and spiritual growth...The cynic in me wondered if all I was doing was contributing to this self help juggernaut industry by ordering the tapes, books and videos. Then I read your interview. It made so much sense. Someone out there is saying it's okay to feel guilty and it's healthy! The Naikan concept of reality confidence and reality esteem says accept your full range of uncontrollable emotions and forget about "ruminating" about all this. Control what you can do and get to work repaying the world for all you take, don't blame it for what you perceive you have not been given. HL, VT
   
   I have many acquaintances and a few friends who seem almost obsessed by the real or perceived trauma that they suffered some time in their past. I, too, at least for a while, tried to rationalize my own "failure" by finding fault with something my parents must have done or didn't do during my youth...I now look back on my own imperfections and my parents' forgiveness of me and am filled with much gratitude. Having raised two children to adult and near adulthood I am filled with remorse that I ever thought of blaming my parents for my being the imperfect person that I am. RH, IN
   
   I am relatively new to this path and stumble often, sometimes even crashing. I have put off this letter several times, feeling as though I had no right to pursue this until I was much better at living constructively. Much of my life has been not-acting according to feeling instead of acting according to purpose. Oh well, there is only this letter being written now...Several years ago when I was in college a professor introduced me to a few Zen concepts. I found them intriguing and intellectually stimulating but was not able to apply them to my life with any great success. Since reading your works, I have reread the Zen material with new understanding and, even better, with more successful application. I am at home in Zen. How do I thank you for guiding me home again? TD, WI
   
   I have been in conventional therapy for several months now and have made a big improvement but I am tired of digging down into all the pain of childhood and the rest of my misguided life. I want to get on with it and I need a little positive wisdom to guide me along. The Constructive Living way sounds a little like the way I was brought up but without the negative cruelty that went along with it. GH, AZ
   
   Some of what you say I've heard many times before. How you said it made an impact. That last few weeks have included saying goodbye to a lot of my early dreams that are not reflected in my present reality. These weeks have also included doing something on a daily basis to enhance further meaning in my life. PW, NV
   
   I have been going through a confusing period. Because of current economic conditions I recently closed a business that I spent many years building from nothing. My family and friends are constantly talking about how depressed I am and that I am in mourning for the loss. But I am not. Closing the business is not a good thing, it is not a bad thing, it just is. However I have been told how I am so much that I was beginning to believe that I should be or that I had these feelings and didn't know it! So hearing you this morning was like a breath of fresh air. Thank you. JG, OR
   
   My family is going through a very bad time right now because of some bad counseling involving hypnosis to discover "hidden" traumas. I think your advice might be helpful to those of us who would read it. ED, OR
   
   My husband and I have spent three years going to two different therapists for marriage counseling. Not one minute was used to teach us how to live together in the day-to-day present. They spent the whole time going through our childhoods. One used what he called "Explosive Therapy" and the other said she was helping us to "heal our inner child." At the end of all this my husband and I still feel we're back on the first rung of the ladder...So when I read the article about CL I was glad to find there's help without wasting time "healing childhood." CC, CA
   
   I've been neurotic for the last 15 of my 38 years. The result of this has been frequent battles with panic attacks. At one point several years ago I was nearly a full-blown agoraphobic. While I've worked through these problems largely on my own, I have sometimes sought the advice of experts in a vain attempt to rid myself of the severely unpleasant feelings associated with anxiety. What an insight it was to learn that there was no need to avoid these feelings; that I could instead put that effort into strengthening myself to "take the hit" of an anxiety attack and, when it ended, move on from there. Of course, as I'm sure you're aware, once I stopped trying to avoid the attacks and turned around to face them and stand my ground, the attacks lost much of their force. Thank you for helping me to help myself calm down and reclaim part of my life. MD, OR
   
   I earned my Masters in Marriage and Family Therapy in May. I have been in therapy. I really feel the general therapeutic focus on what is wrong has been overemphasized and contributes to a sense of hopelessness for many clients (and therapists!). I know I personally can make a lot more movement when I look toward what is going right in my life and take action to get more of the same going. Reality is so much more important than focusing on the perceived past. TS, CA
   
   I applied CL during my post surgery days unknowingly, but evidently in my subconscious from reading your article. Needless to say I had explored and have experienced every possible emotion from tears to what I call human suffering. But I was aware of them and I just let them happen. I know there is no point trying to control what you cannot control. But my attitude throughout was let's get on with it. Get the surgery done. Let's do what needs to be done. That concept came from that CL article--I know it did. KB, OH
   
   I am writing to you primarily to offer my gratitude. That was not the original first sentence of this letter. As a matter of fact I had nearly completed half when I realized that as I wrote I was continually scanning the outline I had carefully prepared. Suddenly I realized that I had structured my scribbling so as to show you how much I have learned. Careful not to focus too much on feelings. Perhaps it was an attempt to convince you I already knew and had in place the concepts of Constructive Living. I don't know...what a good boy am I...what a rare specimen...so in line with your teachings I shouldn't even need your guidance. Well, that wouldn't have been a very honest first correspondence, but very much in line with my character. So I've started over. Pheww! It felt good to get that out. Now, where was I?...There is one thing that has changed dramatically: I no longer blame [my work] for my failings and shortfalls. It was so easy. I couldn't attend my children's events, social occasions, responsibilities around the house, and much more...I was (and still am) in a state of perpetual jet lag. I am either running like a madman to catch up with my real life or attempting to fall back in order to get rested to go [to work]. Now, however, I simply try to do what needs doing, now. I don't always triumph, but I am taking responsibility. It feels as though quite a large burden has been lifted. I am on a healthier regimen (including a daily walk), have lost nearly 25 pounds, and I feel great. I am keeping a journal (an organizer actually) that I record bits and pieces of my days and significant thoughts. I provide myself with quiet time daily... LT, WA
   
   When I recently finished your latest book my feelings of gratitude reminded me of my own advice to my friend. I know we can't win the race to balance what we give with what we have received in this lifetime. A simple 'thank you" isn't enough, but it is what needs to be done. Thank you for writing and making CL books available at a cost well below their true value. HG, MA
   
   I've felt so angry, depressed, and cheated by life for so long, but really I have so much. I could really benefit from being less self-absorbed. I've been in therapy for eleven years with eight different therapists. I need to try something else. I'm 31 and life is just too short. JS, WI
   
   I am one of those people abused as a child, confused as an adult; and I've spent my lifetime searching for the answers. I find myself constantly trying to analyze my thoughts, my emotions, and my life. I just want to live well, healthy. I want my life to be constructive...I am an extreme perfectionist; so much that I often let myself down by not living up to the expectations of one hundred people around me. Not only do I want to be perfect in my own eyes, but to everyone else as well. This Constructive Living makes so much sense. I know in my heart that one must take action to change things. I must admit I think it may be difficult at first. I mean difficult by having to change my already deep-rooted behavior of analyzing feelings and exhausting myself trying to change them. MH, VA
   
   I feel I've been running around in a fuzzy haze for the past two years enjoying myself but nonetheless not really directing myself or knowing my purpose. It took [the article about Constructive Living] to make me slow down, appreciate what has and is being done for me. It has made me want to show gratitude to everything concerned, especially my parents. KS, United Kingdom
   
   I was in therapy (Jungian basically) for seven years but while it was very interesting in an intellectual sense it proved to be just about useless for any real change. After giving up in disgust I adopted my grandmother's philosophy of "Pull up your socks and get on with it" which is the closest previous exposure I have had to anything like Constructive Living--you might be surprised how similar. Anyway, this seems like a formalized and structured approach to Gran's advice, and I know what it's done for me. So I would like to be able to pass it on to others who are fed up with navel-gazing as a way of life. MZ, Canada
   
   I have begun to experience some of the benefits of a "Just Do It" approach to life...As a therapist who has long worked with the delinquent population, I have seen first hand the destruction of spirit that can result from people waiting until they feel good enough to undertake a particular task. Your writing so concisely describes what I have long believed, that we can create tomorrow's past with today's actions. ML, IA
   
   Yesterday, I went over to Border's Books (across the street from my workplace downtown) during a break, seeking yet another of those fluffy New Age 'Creative thought manifestation' handbooks. My original intention was to research a different kind of magical thinking in order to deal with some life situations that are not what I'd like them to be.
   Your books were shelved not far from the 'think strongly and it shall be given unto you' author's output. For some reason, by eyes and hands strayed. I wound up at the cash counter with two books, one of them a copy of your Handbook for Constructive Living. I took it home last night. I read it twice. I took notes. I slapped my thighs. I laughed out loud. I winced. I said '!!-?-!?' I said, 'Aha!' Finally, I closed the book for the second time at 2 a.m. with a big 'Bravo!' and 'Where do I find out more about this Constructive Living stuff?'...
   Thank you, again, for your work. I've already found your words helpful, inspiring and above all, PRACTICAL. Today I used CL to help me with my most chronic, irritating problem area: getting to work in the mornings (I really dislike the job), and I now have concrete proof of CL's efficacy with a real-world situation. I want more! CL is certainly worth serious, sustained effort. LP, WA
   
   I have done some of the exercises and found them enormously helpful, as well as painful and poignant. I now do simple Naikan reflection often throughout the day, when sitting in traffic or waiting in line or holding on the phone. I find it especially helpful to do it whenever I feel oppressed, or feel that other people are demanding too much of 'my' time, 'my' space or whatever. I stop, reflect on my mother, father, and other people and things that have supported me, and I realize I can never do enough to repay what I have received.
   I was interested in the essays on work because I've always had attitude problems about my job, and lately my work had been lax and careless. I was caught in a quandary of wondering if I should change jobs, if that would really help what did I want to do, etc. Through reading and listening to CL material I have realized a few things:
   I can stop judging my work on the basis of whether or not it has some intrinsic 'worth' or merit; I needed to establish a purpose for myself and see if that purpose could be accomplished via this job. I have identified my purpose, and it can be accomplished here. The game of whether your job is worthwhile or not is a losing one; even doctors who save lives must know that eventually their patients will die, even if only of old age. Architects see their buildings torn down. No matter what you do, it won't last forever and it won't always be so very important, permanent or perfect.
   I can do every action with attention, and realize the value of the tools I use and how I am supported by them.
   I can be aware of how my every action is an opportunity to treat people well, use resources wisely, use tools properly and with attention, and repay my debt to the university.
   It is not a law of the universe that a job must be interesting, fun or exciting. I am not a loser or a failure if my job is not interesting, fun or exciting. These insights and many others were really helpful, and now I am able to do my job more efficiently and with less mental strain and despair. AM, NJ
   
   The CL lifeway really clicked for me this past weekend. I finally cleared up a project that had been hanging loose for weeks. In the past, I'd have congratulated myself with a cookie or brought myself a treat. But instead, my first thoughts were, 'Good, that's done. What needs doing now?' And I then completed another task that had been hanging loose for years (it was cataloging old photo negatives and pictures). Both projects went much more quickly than I expected as I lost myself in doing them. I felt pride and accomplishment when they were completed. Then, with some time on my hands after cleaning up, I thought, 'What needs to be done now?' And so I went on my power walk around the neighborhood...It was a most unusual, most productive weekend. The weird thing was it was almost as if 'I' wasn't there. I experienced what you've said about one being reality's agent. A most peculiar feeling, but I can't argue with the results. MB, Internet
   
   I have been practicing CL now for about six months and have passed through the honeymoon period. I have experience failure as well as success but I accepted it and asked myself 'What do I need to do next?' I have become good at doing what needs to be done and have experiential knowledge of the maxim 'It doesn't get easier, only different.'
   Your idea that paranoia is a simplification filter makes perfect sense to me. I have been on medication for paranoia since 1977 and none of the therapist's ideas have been as helpful as that one. I think that Naikan practice is going to help me not look at others so one-sidedly.
   Feelings are for feeling; Thoughts are for thinking; Life is for living. BS, NY
   
   My husband is currently suffering from depression. He complains a lot about his work, his pain, his worthlessness. He often yells at our daughter. I do daily Naikan and therefore have a record of gifts and troubles. One night when feeling especially sad and frustrated with my husband's behaviors (complaining) I retrieved a month's worth of journal entries. From these entries I wrote my husband a thank you note for doing 32 laundries, washing the dishes 71 times, vacuuming and mopping the flours four times, leaving work early to pick our daughter up from soccer practice 6 times and attending all of her soccer games, regardless of how badly she behaves. I described, in great detail, four delicious meals he prepared and two family dinners he took the family out to eat, the time he changed the oil in my car. I added detail on why I valued these gifts and recognized that many are given regardless of the trouble our daughter and I cause, regardless of his pain, regardless of his lack of energy. I left the note in the seat of his car and went to work.
   That night I arrived home to find a bouquet of two dozen roses and a smile and hug from my husband. He said, "I never knew you counted the laundries." I wrote the note to ease a debt. I accrued more debt. My husband enjoyed feelings of being appreciated. He saw his worth to the family. The relationship goes on.
   CL is reflection and action. I cannot control my husband's behavior or feelings. I can reflect, I can act.
   P.S. We have been married for 29 difficult and joyfilled years. AN, Vermont
   
   I have just finished reading Playing Ball on Running Water. The ideas I found there speak very strongly to my frustration with years of trying Western psychotherapy and even drug therapy to try to overcome years of acute depression. On drug therapy I found that my acutely painful feelings disappeared. But, in addition to suffering finally unbearable side effects, I was no better at living an effective and meaningful life! DB, Internet
   
   Learning about constructive living over the past two years has been like turning on a light switch. I can see many things clearly now. It has been such a relief to realize that all I have to do is one thing at a time... and it's enjoyable to do it well. I never thought I could reduce my tendency to worry. I just thought I was "an anxious person." Constructive Living (and my teacher Marilyn Murray) combined with my return to my Christian roots has had a transforming influence on my life. God is good. I am living more fully, accomplishing more, relaxing more deeply, and sleeping better than I ever thought possible. Thank you. God bless you and your work. PD, OH
   
   Knowing of your busy schedule and respecting same, I will be brief in offering my gratitude for your works and your publications. I have spent 29 years in healthcare, with the past 10 as a Ph.D. in private practice. Having read every book you have written, I have incorporated a homework assignment for every client/patient that they procure a copy of constructive living and/or playing ball as they start therapy. 75% of my practice deals with chronic pain and trauma. Physicians who refer to me are amazed at the rapid recovery of their patients. I intend on enrolling in the CL residential course when time allows. I see approximately 30 client/patient visits per week. Your works on Morita have changed my life and the lives of an enormous population in the Pikes Peak region. Thank you. ES, CO
   
   I am using CL in my daily life and also with my clients;, it's gotten into my brain in a solid and useful way. One of my clients is a court reporter who has been trying to pass the exam to be certified for 6 years. Every 6 months she retakes the exam, every 6 months she does not pass. She has been working with a psychologist to "get rid of" her nervousness so she could pass and came to me for hypnosis to really get rid of it. I had her work on noticing, had her do the exercises and give up attempts to push the nervousness away. During the exam she noticed what the examiner was saying instead of the nervousness. She has passed 2 of the 3 parts of the Kansas exam and will retake the 3rd in 6 months; she will take the Missouri exam in April. She said, "I feel so different now, since I know I don't have to get rid of nervousness." Thank you. It is so much easier also to say, I don't know why and then move on to what needs to be done now. LG, KS
   
   It was a pleasure to speak with you. Thank you for taking the time to talk with me and for responding with so many valuable suggestions. I will certainly write "O" magazine, which is a terrific publication. I have already contacted many friends about your article and web site. I will keep you posted on my continuing interest in Constructive Living and hope to attend a seminar. I also greatly appreciated you forwarding the quotes, which I found to be both profound and right on target. "The optimal mind isn't constantly peaceful and anxiety-free; it is adapting to changing circumstances." There were two items that struck me most in the article in "O" Magazine. First, "...the key philosophy in Constructive Living: To know what needs to be done, you have to have purpose." And second, the term "reality-esteem." We are forever changing and sometimes we do well and other times we do not. Life is not always a bowl of cherries, and the true test is what we do when the bowl is empty. How do we handle life's ups and downs? Just the concept to do what's useful instead remaining stuck in the past. Moving forward and as you state "What you do with the fresh moment is up to you." DS, Internet
   
   I was really struck by your article, "The Radical Road to Self-Esteem", written in the "O" magazine. I am a single 48 year-old African American woman who is currently fighting not only to survive, but also reach my potential. All my life I have been abused in some form or another by family, friends, co-workers, etc. I am a professional human resource representative and trainer. Many people tell me that I am kind, smart and good at what I do. Then there are those who have the power to promote, recognize and reward me for my efforts, but refuse to do so. Why? I don't know. However, I do know that I am sick and tired of people trying to tear me down or use me for personal gain. I don't speak up for myself and always regret not doing so. I describe myself as a turtle that sticks its head in a shell when things don't go right or is afraid. Recently, I finally stopped denying that I am a passive person who gives in because I fear speaking up for myself or I might hurt someone's feelings. I would always just go along with the program and in the end it would cost me money, pain and/or sorrow. I never get what I want without a fight or loss. Although I am no longer in denial that I allowed some of these things to happen, I need help in building a more fruitful life for myself. When I read your article, I became really inspired and decided that I would do whatever it takes to get there, which is why I am writing to you. I would like to know if there are any Constructive Living Teachers in the Baltimore, Maryland area. If so, please provide me with the contact information so I can set up an appointment. Thank you for your help and support. Your article has changed my life forever! GL, MD
   
   Before I identify myself by profession, I want to thank you. Your books on Constructive Living probably helped me more than anything else to live a life of contentment. I first read your work probably in the early 90s & I remember when I went back to graduate school in psychology, other students would ask me where I got my "wisdom." It wasn't wisdom-it was perspective. I am a psychologist in private practice in Southern California. Recently a client in my office was going on & on about how she was studying Dr. Phil, and John Bradshaw, and Tony Robbins, and Wayne Dwyer & she just couldn't get it--just couldn't get how to "make herself be confident so that she could move on." Light bulb on for me. I knew I needed to go back to the bookstore & purchase the Handbook, and look through the other books. Reviewing your work has been tremendously helpful, and after reading the handbook I find myself really tuned in to the idiotic psychobabble that is passed off as essential. SB, CA
   
   Thank you for your kind response. I have started with "Constructive Living" and I've ordered the Handbook. I have been an explorer of self-help books over the years, and lately have found progressively less satisfaction in them. They make good reading, but...it was hard to put my finger on it.
   I think the dissatisfaction came with the fact that they drew me inwards, and I am already an introspective, sensitive individual. I caught on to paying attention to myself early and easily. I was especially drawn to the ADD theories as excuses for my wandering attention. But they only offered reasons, not solid help. It did not occur me until I happened across the Japanese therapies of Morita and Naikan that I am the one who is responsible for training my attention and deciding on the actions I take. It didn't seem related to how I have learned to be responsible about what I eat, and exercising my body.
   I have come to understand that overweight people are often simply not willing to do the extra work it takes to eat healthy foods and pay attention to portion sizes, their stomach and exercising. And I have not been willing to do the work on my attention, either.
   I am reassured that reading the "Constructive Living" book does not make me feel better, and that it is not the goal of the book. I have faced up to the fact that what I DO is in my hands, and I have begun taking the small steps towards self-discipline in the areas where I have been lazy for years. Perhaps at some point I will take on the challenge of speaking about Constructive Living publicly. It offers such a rational contrast to the emotion-centered psychotherapies, which aren't bad, but exist in an overabundance and I think are over-relied upon by many. I have much work and training to do on my attention first. There will be setbacks and indulgences, but I will accept them and then return to the work. AM, Internet
   
   I have never read anything so densely packed with ideas and points that I have over the years myself pondered and advocated, yet never so clearly defined or outspoken. At my first reading I found myself smiling and even laughing out loud with surprise and amazement. I would like to get in contact with a CL instructor to advance my understanding of the CL principles. The thing is, I live in Denmark... JP, Copenhagen
   
   I wanted to let you know that since I read your book I have traveled for the first time since 1987...What a thrill it was to feel normal again. I was so happy to be able to go somewhere and not feel afraid...Now my husband wants to try a trip that requires flying...I know abut your fear of flying and how you just do it. But is it the same for people with panic disorder? Can we just do it like everyone else?
   I also wanted you to know that we wanted to adopt a baby since we can't have our own children, but I was always worried about how I would feel, could I handle it, what if I can't do it. Your book helped me so much. We adopted a baby boy, J, in December. He is such a joy. At times I feel like I can't handle it, but I just do it. If I waited until I thought I could do it, we still wouldn't have a child or the joy that he brings. MF NY
   
   Thank you for allowing me to share these life lessons with you. I hope you found them useful. I wish you a Constructive Life.
   David Reynolds, Coos Bay, Oregon