Walking in Rain

David K. Reynolds, Ph.D.

These works are protected by the Creative Commons license.

These writings were inspired, in part, by reading Fox, Matthew (Introduction and Commentaries). Breakthrough: Meister Eckhart's Creation Spirituality in New Translation. New York, Doubleday, 1980.

Meaning in life isn't found in a dictionary. It is not a definition. Definitions are located in words and in minds. Life meaning is embedded in minds and discovered through action. You don't talk or even think yourself into life purposes. You discover them; they are given to you.

Something tells you what needs to be done. That information is a gift, too. It is part of the great gift of Reality. It reemerges each moment. This Now appears newly created, a fresh moment just for you, just you. You are embedded in this moment however you twist and squirm. So actualize the potential, use the moment well, for you must use it somehow.

Amazing as it sounds, Reality loves you. When you recognize this truth, then you discover that you are lovable. As part of Reality you are lovable. Loving yourself first is a dead end requiring a blind eye to your imperfection. Loving Reality first and then yourself as part of that Reality forms the solid basis for self love, incorporating perfection and imperfection.

It is not difficult to distinguish this now from the next now. Why is it difficult to distinguish this me from the next me? In both situations we have a sense of continuity. There are no natural markers separating the one from the next. Clocks measure seconds and minutes and the like, not moments. Thoughts appear and then reappear. Why is it important to distinguish this moment's me from the next moment's me? Because therein lies hope, therein lies the foundation for change. For there is ONLY change. No one is bound to his or her current ideas about the past. Behold, all is become new.

Death is our ultimate destination and absolute reference point. We compare our life events with our fragile, filmy imaginings of death. Of your death you know nothing, can know nothing. Your understanding of death is a lie encrusted with "what ifs." However much you succeed you will die. However great your contribution to the world you will die. However many the prayers sent up for you or however great the medical attention lavished on you or however much you are loved, you will die. This moment alone is yours. To use it foolishly is to be among the living dead.

Something gives birth to reality's fresh moments. Something gives birth to ideas and moods and decisions. I give birth to printed material and other offspring. We all bear our characteristic children and so share something with each other and with Reality, a union of gardeners, a community of mothers and fathers.

Affluence, fame, learning, success and social status can cause pride. Pride causes cloudy vision, selective vision. The prideful look for sparkles. Light and shadow show reality in relief. Recognizing sparkles as gifts among other gifts is both cause and result of clearer vision. There is a steady light shining for everyone. It is visible whenever we open our eyes to it.

We are tied to other people and things by birth and by bonding. Birth is circumstance; we are its recipients. Bonding is circumstantial action;we are active reflections of our preferences.

I watched an old Sherpa weaver try to explain why she continues to weave in the traditional way. The high tech interviewer pointed out that there are quicker and more efficient means of weaving. The old Sherpa lady recognized the possibilities of the new ways, but she was content weaving as she always had. Why should she change? A middle-aged couple runs a restaurant with outstanding food. They could expand and make a lot more money if they moved their operation from their current location in a small harbor to a large thoroughfare just fifteen miles away, I mused aloud. They knew that, of course. But they are satisfied with where they are, with the business they have already. Whose aspirations must we accommodate? Performers all, we juggle our own objectives, sometimes juggling others' balls as our own.

Something shines beyond the furthest galaxies our telescopes can probe. Something gleams beyond the boundaries of our imaginations. Something glows in the hearts of the foulest murderers on death row. We can't beckon it or run from it. It just is. To recognize it and merge with it, even without understanding it, allows us to tap its power without hobbling ourselves with self-pride. Arrogance is impossible when cuddled to Reality's bosom. Egotism becomes laughable. Self-esteem and self-confidence become trivialities inundated by the flood of this circumstance, this now. You really can have it all.

What does it mean to give up on everything, including yourself and possess all? How do you accept reality as it is?

Who accomplishes your deeds? Who takes credit or gives credit for accomplishments? Something does my deeds for me, with me, by me. Give proper public credit to others. You have done nothing on your own. Demonstrate your fitness to fit within the whole.

Cure is as near as your next act. Love is as near as your next thought. Love, like cure, happens. They don't happen to you. Their happening becomes you. When do sweat and saliva and fingernails stop being you? They all remain "yours" in some sense without remaining "you."

Can you find yourself in your floppy disk? You are there. In your mouse? You are there. In your books and dish rack and soap dish? You are there for the seeing. Whatever is real realizes you, makes you real. Self realization may not be what you thought it to be. Anyway, clean your monitor, dust your bookshelves, shine your shoes. Discover yourself.

I play an antique word flute. But my fingers are firmly on the holes. And my breath is measured to pulse a tune written for me by a masterful musician. I gust sounds soundly. Listen! Listen!

There is no tomorrow, of course, however much we expect from it or however much we dread it. It dangles out there in front of our minds. We never wrap our fingers around it. We never squeeze its possibilities into reality. So what are you doing now?

What causes us to notice motion out of the corner of our eyes? What causes us to focus on a toothache or past trauma? What generates surprise and creativity? There are answers to these questions that come from biochemistry and brain function, but those answers are only cameo profiles. No scientist has found the biochemical equivalent of awareness or the computerized equivalent of selfhood. No researcher has pointed out the neural analog of a mind-boggling word feast. Something causes me to notice movement. I say to you that the "something" is not simply my brain. Something defines that movement as an event worth noticing. That something is both in the movement and in me. There is no meaningful way to dissect that movement-moment into discrete categories of in here and out there. Just this event, now.

What causes rejoicing when a deed is done well, a kindness offered, a smile returned? There are, of course, explanations involving internalized values, childrearing, superegos, neurotransmitters, and past reinforcements. Such "simplexity" may offer us a brief introduction to the tale, but they fail to offer the whole story. Something rejoices us. Something causes the past experiences and neurochemical blips to be experienced as rejoicing, to be interpreted as satisfying. No psychologists or psychoanalysts or biologists or ethologists or sociologists or biochemists plying their crafts will ever put you in touch with that something. None will ever adequately define or circumscribe or harness it. We cannot step outside to view it because the viewing itself is already thanks to that something.

Hopes rise and fall like exploding popcorn kernels. Fluffy ones stay on top of the pile of corn blossoms. Hopes are fine as long as you pop them yourself and keep your popper clean. You may hope for a better tomorrow. Tomorrow may, in fact, be sunnier than today. However, clouds and rain may be waiting, too. Sunshine or rain, please make your bed. Pessimists hedge their bets with the possibility of at least being right at the cost of narrow gloom. They wear wet clothing triumphantly in a downpour. Optimists are equally narrow, believing that ignored rain won't get their feet wet. Realists have hopes, too, but dress appropriately for the weather.

Goodness is a gift, too. It is not a personal accomplishment. We cannot take pride in goodness. The sharp mind moments, too, are gifts. So are purposes, life goals, today's objectives. They all appear from nowhere, springing like toast from some invisible toaster, all warm and digestible.

Every human I encounter is a relative. Traced back far enough we share at least one ancestor. No question about it. We share some common traits, too. My mind operates with the same ephemeral receptivity as that of any other human. We share some common desires and common suffering. We share a debt to reality as concretely represented in our parents and others who keep giving us life. We all survive on credit. So it is blindness to think we can make sacrifices, become caregivers, burn out. We are so far in debt that any payments we might make are trivial.

Going to the door to see a family member off and going to the door to greet a returning family member are small payments on our loans. Interrupting our tasks for their convenience is a reminder of their importance to us.

The more we let in the whole of creation the more we are pushed out from narrow-self focus. Opening our minds to Reality widens our vision and interest and reduces selfishness. We are somehow informed as to our purposes and our limitations. We discover what needs doing next and what needs to cease. Is there a meta-purpose that creates our purposes? To consider such a question is to knock at the door of religion.

There are moments in which we can lose ourselves in the one that is all. This one is not a generalization or an abstraction. It is the whole of that moment. It contains all the details of that moment without our needing to see those details sequentially, as we ordinarily do. Such moments are achieved by expanding focused attention, by widening the spotlight without dimming the depth of its beam. It is not achieved by reflecting on how to do it or by wishing it would happen. Just go about your daily life with filled attention. Sometimes these moments will be awarded to you.

We're not so smart. The layers of knowledge we accumulated over many years are laden with the sludge and grit of prejudice and misinformation and personal convenience (our teachers' and our own). We know less than we think we know and less than others think we know, for their knowledge is suspect, too. Yet something keeps informing us. Something challenges our self-satisfaction with our fuzzy illogic and our cherished images of brilliance. We want to know more. We search the news channels and gossip mongers and libraries and the Internet for more facts, more impressions, more data of any sort. Filter and store and filter and store and forget and store simplified revisions--the process goes on. Thus we grow the bubble of beclouded knowledge about us, each of us at the center of his or her bubble, peering out for all we're worth, seeking to add to the bubble.

Saying "I don't know" is not the same as not knowing. Simplifying one's templates is not not knowing. But there are moments of seeking that are not knowing, that are before knowing. In those moments we have the chance to tap wisdom without the hindrance of silted knowledge. When our cup becomes empty, when our teaspoon contains nothing, then something can stir us.

There are two kinds of suffering--received suffering and created suffering. Received suffering comes with circumstances, situations. Created suffering comes with distorted imagination. Whichever kind of suffering appears it can be magnified by self interest and self focus. For example, when a loved one dies or leaves one can wallow in the personal pain and loss. Or one can broaden sight to take in the pain and loss to others as a result of the event. When an overload of assumed responsibility causes suffering one can obsess on the inherent conflicts of personal time and effort. Or one can see that whatever action is taken others will be troubled and inconvenienced. One source of that suffering is the desire to be righteous, to be recognized as one who successfully accepts responsibility. The artificially-inflated self turns fluid suffering into gel.

It is unnecessary to attempt to do anything about suffering per se. While suffering, however, efforts may be made to alter the situation that is associated with the suffering, to leave the situation, to change perspective on the situation, and so forth. Effort to reduce the suffering directly is misdirected. While suffering, suffer, and do what needs doing. While we suffer, Reality supports us, steering us clear of a multitude of suffering circumstances that never even occur to us.

This is the only life you will ever have. This is the only moment you will ever have. This is the only you you will ever have. More accurately, this is the only life, moment, and you you will ever be. The realization and acceptance of this truth lasts only moments, too. What are you having for dinner tonight?

The inconsistency of me makes sense when seen from this perspective, this loose conglomeration of moments. It is the source of hope and the ally of good effort. I need not be as I was; I cannot be as I was. But do not be deceived. We bring history moments with us like a trail of countless diary pages stapled to this moment. They give us lift or drag as this moment floats along. It is important to write your diary well.

We can give a gift and the gift remains tied to our own hand. The expectation of something in return, even words of thanks, holds the givers in bonds until the anticipated reciprocity frees them. The gifts are mere forced exchanges. The shink will scan and probe and devise hidden motivations behind gifts. The shink may even refrain from gift-giving until purity can be guaranteed. However, the doing of gifts is important, no matter how obscured by the wrapping. True gifting moments may occur.

We crave explanations for our troubles. Why this illness now? Why this loss? Why this traffic light? Why this long checkout line? Why this difficult task? Why? The scientific explanations are unsatisfying. They tell us about the lawful processes that brought about this trouble, not about the personal convergence, the collision of events. Religious explanations of karmic precursors or God's will or Satanic trials are untestable antiseptics, requiring belief in their potency. What happens, happens. There is no substitute for acceptance, including acceptance of our craving for explanations. Acceptance dissolves the screen of self, the filter of ego, that narrows our focus and dims our perception of Reality. Lose yourself in Reality, unite yourself with Reality, and discover your immensity. You are fundamentally spacious.

Reality comes with natural streams, limits, boundaries, tides. Acceptance of Reality's format requires some knowledge of its forms. Much of that knowledge comes from personal experience. Much of the talk we hear about Reality's structure can be verified true or false by our experience. Do not place unnecessary limits on yourself. Within Reality's bounds you can do anything you wish. Of course, you are responsible for what you do; you pay for the consequences. Perceived consequences often bring about the next preferred doing.

However, do not waste effort attempting to transgress Reality's limits. Unpleasant smells are unpleasant. Sudden loud noises are startling. Sadness is distressing. Sleep is required.

Judgment is both a gift and an earned skill. It is worthless unless expressed in action. There are no actionless moments. Ask for what is. Respect tragedy and prosperity. Act receptively. Obey Reality. You are both corporal and the whole army.

You must give yourself away to discover yourself. You must volunteer your services to discover how you are served. You must offer yourself to others who suffer in order to reduce your own suffering. The effort is the cure. Rest in order to work well. Work in order to rest well. Earn your rest and your work. Yet both are gifts.

Compassion is seeing with other eyes, feeling with other hearts, doing with other hands. Yet true compassion implies no superiority, no inferiority, no other. It always shows itself in the hands. There are no compassionate thoughts without deeds; such sterile and sentimental thoughts are mere cosmetic powder ideas aimed at effecting a pretty self.

You cannot bargain or trade with Reality. You have no assets other than what Reality has already presented to you. No amount of goodness or sincerity or hard work can be more than token gestures of repayment. Give up on paying your own way in life. There is no "your own way."

Be flexible yet firm. To be firm you must know something and have habits of doing acquired through practice. To be flexible you must know the limits of your knowing and have habits of doing acquired through practice. Firmness and flexibility are both responsive to winds of all sorts. Clear purposes secure us on cloudy days.

Do good. Of course. But why? Not because doing good will make you a good person. Not because doing good will make you well thought of, will bring you rewards by society, will bring you a preferred afterlife. Do good because good needs doing. That is enough. That is the only way to do good.

There are no intelligent humans, only intelligent moments. Everyone has moments of stupidity, foolishness, error. Do not think of yourself as an intelligent person. To do so invites further errors.

There is no moving beyond feelings, beyond desires. However, there is action that transcends feelings and desires. Do not seek to live a superior life somehow withdrawn from constructive activity. Meditation without activity is as fruitless as ignoring the information within passion. Be realistic.

Dear Reality, existing within and about me. Of your family I am a member. I acknowledge your ordinary holiness. May you continue to operate according to your mysterious will, revealed through glimpses of science, intuition, and miracles. Thank you for sustaining our momentary being. We apologize for forgetting and failing to credit your nurturing instants. May we do good in token repayment of the services of people and things and other reflections of you. We recognize our existence in these eternal moments subject to your consideration.